Pregnancy: Week 16

Something shifted this week with my slightly-more-noticeable belly.  I'm not sure if it's that I've been drinking more water (because it's SO DRY) this week, or if my uterus grew enough, or if my uterus just shifted to a different position or what.  But this week I have to pee with a greater degree of frequency and urgency.  The one good thing about the fact that this urgency coincides with a growing belly is that either 1) my pants are already unbuttoned/unzipped before I even reach the bathroom or 2) my pants are made up primarily of elastic (no button or zipper to begin with), both of which make for very efficient potty breaks.  I encourage the no-button-no-zipper lifestyle - way easier.  And it comes with a pretty cute belly too.  Jeans with elastic in the back for every woman!

My food cravings seem to be dying off a bit these days, which is nice (though less entertaining for you, Olivia).  Grilled cheese sandwiches made with American cheese, which were in for the past month, aren't capturing my attention this week.  Cheetos - flavor of last week - are also out this week, though I could be persuaded to take up a bag if needed.   And Frosted Flakes are now far from my craving memory.  I also don't feel as crazy hungry as I did in the first few weeks of pregnancy and I feel like there are more options for satisfying my hunger when it does strike.  It's still not a good idea to let me get anywhere close to hungry - a slightly monstrous and crabby woman appears - but this was mostly true pre-pregnancy.  I don't do well without food or access to food.  I also don't do well if people take food from me, but you know that story already.

I started a pre-natal yoga class this week and I love it.  While each session demonstrates my lack of flexibility and coordination, it gives me this space in my week where I breathe deeply and with conviction and a bit of grace, too.  I spend most of the class thinking "I could fall asleep in this position and it would be lovely."   I love that it's slow and gentle, there's no competition to do better, pose quicker, or be more flexible - there's just this gentle encouragement to feel my body, to open, to be strong, and to surrender gently.  Have I mentioned that it's gentle and calming?  I think what sold me on the class, though, is the teacher.  She has this energy about her that is so lively in a life-giving sort of way.  Not a perky, cheerleader-type energy, but someone who seems full of and interested in life and giving birth to life.  I think this is hard to explain, but it's very attractive to me.  Oh, and she remembered my name the second time I came back to class and greets me with warmth and enthusiasm and interest whenever I walk into the yoga studio.  It's what I want church to be like, I guess.  A place where I feel welcomed, where there is space and grace and I'm allowed to go at my speed according to my breath and my flexibility. Until I find church, I might just keep getting pregnant so I can continually take this class.

In the next few weeks, I should be able to feel the baby move in my belly.  I spend a lot of time "listening" to my belly.  When I go to bed and when I wake in the morning, I place my hands on my belly and wait, trying to decipher the movements and shifts, if any, in my body.  Was that gurgle the baby moving or was it just a gas bubble moving down the line?  This twinge of pain, is it a ligament stretching or something tapping my insides?  I'm pretty certain that what I felt on Sunday evening were these early movements, someone doing flips and wiggles in my uterus. There is another life inside of me, which I find so strange, so extra-ordinary. I can barely believe that we have this capability, that this is where babies come from, that this is where you and I came from.  Sometimes I find pregnancy so astounding and sometimes so mundane.  It seems like a wonderful tension to live in, between the natural and supernatural.