My schedule these days consists of pumping, sleeping, eating, and visiting the hospital, not necessarily in that order. More pumping, less sleeping, and two trips to the hospital a day. Eating is usually done on the fly, as I'm either trying to get out the door to the hospital or trying to get myself to bed for a much needed nap. We are definitely on a journey we by no means could have predicted or imagined a couple of weeks ago.
I'm not sure where to start in updating you or sharing what's going on, but I'll start with this...the highlight of my day, in all of the ups and downs, the triumphs and disappointments, the highlight is definitely any time spent with Haven. We are now able to hold her as much and as long as we'd like when we visit and we take whatever opportunity we can to cradle her in the nook of our arms and watch her sleep (she does a lot of sleeping - apparently growing is hard work). We study her face and stroke her soft little head. We peek at her fingers and rub her toes and marvel at her small little body. I mostly marvel that this small little body was inside of mine until very recently.
But are days are long and short and tiring. I can't really explain the myriad of emotions that I experience throughout the day, but trust me - they run the spectrum. Some days are better than others, some moments better than others, and we are doing what we can to keep our heads above water. Aaron has been a tremendous support and together we are sad and happy and frustrated and joyous.
And Haven, overall she is doing well, and I think overall is making progress. Her eating has slowed down a little over the last day or so and they added a tube this morning to help with that. Watching the nurse guide a tube down my little girl's nose to her belly was NOT a good moment in my day today. But, I think little by little we are getting there. Being in the NICU is the best place for her right now, but it is still tremendously difficult for us to endure...
That's all for now. Off to the hospital for our evening visit.
3 comments:
I have been thinking about you and praying for all 3 of you so much lately. When my oldest daughter Hannah was born she had a bleed in her brain and spent a week in the NICU. I remember those days being exactly as you describe - a flurry of activity with so many ups and downs. Rely on Aaron (and he on you and lean on God - he will get you through. Remember to take care of yourself too right now - the naps and eating are important. Haven needs you to be recovering well just as much as she needs you to be there holding her. Know that Josh and I (and the girls) are praying for you all and if you ever need to talk I sent you a messae through facebook with my phone number. Please don't hesitate to call.
Love, Marchell
Your explanation of holding Haven is perfect - I can just imagine you in there with her. I can't wait until she can come home. Love you lots!
I am so glad that you have this blog..i love reading your journey. you are so missed and so loved! I hope to be able to come out and visit you guys soon. Just know you are constantly in my thoughts.
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